today was a big day...

so, after a long haul and almost 5 whole months later i am finally divorced. as of this morning actually.... my lawyer went to court on my behalf at 9am today, and presented my statement id sent since i could not be there in person. (though i would have liked to... i love nashville and would give anything for a good excuse to go visit!)

i never really knew what to expect to feel on this day. it's been looming all this time, and ill be honest.... sometimes ive dreaded it, sometimes ive questioned whether or not it was what is right... sometimes ive been annoyed at the idea that on this day i would offically have the lovely "divorcee" stigma attached to me. (something MUST be wrong with me... right?) but in all honesty, today was a good day. i spent more time laughing hysterically with my work bff mike, than i could have ever imagined. i wasn't sad, there were no tears... and i didn't even feel like the failure i did at the beginning of this whole mess. i basically have just felt content. content with my situation, and with the outcome. content with knowing that there are brighter things ahead. content with knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there really isn't ANYthing wrong with ME... it's actually HIM who has the problem. i just mostly felt at peace. i am SO pleased to report this news, because like id said- i didn't know what types of emotions this day would bring, and im glad it turned out to be okay. im so thankful i was able to get to this place of acceptance and healing BEFORE this day... i think that made it easier.

my friends at work are so sweet, and remembered what today was for me. they even brought me a little, teeny, tiny cake to celebrate, and we made sure it was a good time had by all! see pictures below.

(don't mind the lack of make up... it's not allowed at work!)

so there you have it. i am divorced. these last nine months of my life have been a roller coaster  (nine months ago is when i intially learned of the affair) ... probably the hardest ive ever endured! let me be clear- i dont regret fighting for my marriage. and though my efforts did not in the end pay off as id hoped, it is a satisfying feeling to know that i did all that i could do. so.... now i can officially begin looking toward my future. it is a refreshing feeling to know that i have nothing and no one holding me back. now the only question is.... what's next??