1) eric and i have decided we are going to take a trip to hawaii before the year is over. can you believe ive never been? eric's dad was in the military and so he spent a year or two there while he was 4 - 5. he went to kindergarten there and seems to have awesome memories. he also was able to go back while he was in college. i can't believe im almost 30 (29 on march 20th, YIKES!) and still haven't been. so we're going. it's official like a referee and a whistle. can't wait. here are the things im MOST looking forward to:
a) my first REAL vacation with eric. yes people, it's true. he and i have never really vacationed. every time we have time off, we go visit my parents in new york. which of course is awesome, but means we never have any time off to get away and do vacation type things... like lay on a beach.
b) im not a huge fan of swimming IN the ocean, but the ocean totally fascinates me. i can't wait to get down on the that beach, and watch the waves and build a sand castle.
c) wearing flowers in my hair... like everyday. doesn't that just sound romantic and fun?
d) i want to para-sail! oh my gosh, that sounds like the best time ever!!!
e) we've already talked about how hawaii has some really awesome golf courses, so eric's gonna take a morning to golf while i.... wait for it.... here it comes..... have a day at the spa! yes- another thing ive never ever been able to do. how awesome would it be to just spend hours getting pampered?
f) i would really love to swim with the dolphins, but that would require me to actually get IN the water... i bet if i actually were given the opportunity though, id do it! dolphins just seem so friendly.
g) getting a tan.
h) wearing cute summer dresses and flip flops.
i) not having to even think for a single second about my real life... which is busy, and sometimes stressful. i can't imagine just being away, and not having to worry or stress out about every day things like unloading/loading the dishwasher, giving bristol her meds, packing my lunch, working out, etc. etc. etc.
well and there's plenty more that im looking forward to, but ill hafta continue that later. let's move on...
2) this week has been a bit of a nightmare for me. mostly because of my own personal struggles. i got a membership to a gym and have actually been going each day. for those of you who know me at all.... you KNOW that this is like my least favorite thing to do.... EVER! i wish it weren't that way. i wish i enjoyed it. because my suspicion is that had i actually grown up enjoying working out, i wouldn't have ever let myself get to this point. this point where i just feel hideous and like the whole goal is pointless because it's SO far away and SO much work. but... that's not positive thinking, now is it? so ive been going- every day. and forcing myself to do cardio. and im not going to lie- it's the pits. on top of the gym, ive been eating great. without meaning to, ive actually managed to stay in between 1000 - 1200 calories a day. what sucks about this though, is that i feel terrible. my stomach's been giving me a run for my money and i am SO terribly tired.
so here's a thought: ya know how people talk about how they just "love" to exercise and how they just "crave" working out? they always say something like "well, once you get past the initial horror of it all, you begin to love it and need it to survive." initial horror? really? because i dont know about you, but if something is really that horrific, why bother continuing? that's what ive always said about beer anyway... everyone says the same thing "oh it's an acquired taste... it'll grow on you." uh... NO. if it tastes bad the first time, why try for a second? and if you DO try for a second, and it STILL tastes bad, why try for a third? i just don't see the point. the same applies with this whole exercising nonsense- who wants to have to deal with what seems to be never-ending horror for weeks on end, all so that one day, you MIGHT find yourself loving it? unfortunately though, i think exercising is like a necessary evil. unlike beer (where if i choose not to partake it hurts no one and doesn't matter) i realize that my lack of exercising and avoidance of the whole thing is what got me here. ugh.
so ive come to the conclusion that there's just no great solution... except to keep going. keep pushing through. keep trying to remember my greater goal: HAWAII. and more than hawaii, feeling comfortable again, being healthy. so... without further ado... im now down 18.6lbs and that's encouraging. i have about 26 more pounds to loose before ive reached my first goal. 26 pounds doesn't probably seem like a lot to you, but to me it feels very overwhelming. as far as not feeling well like i mentioned above though- my stomach's just been a mess, but mostly, i am just SO tired! i don't know what to do with myself. part of this may be because i work every day from 8:30 - 6:30, and most times don't get to arrive home until 7:00. then i hafta to rush and change into work out clothes, and drive to the gym. by the time that happens, it's probably 7:30, and i work out for an hour. at 8:30 im leaving the gym, and wondering what in the world i should do about dinner. by the time i get home, and get dinner fixed, it's 9:30 at night. of course at that point im in dire need of a shower and so when that's all said and done, it's 10 o'clock at night. ive been going since early in the morning, haven't had any time to talk to my husband really, but still just wanna fall in the bed and sleep. usually though, because im so wound up, even if i try to fall in the bed and sleep at 10, my mind is still going and it's become a challenge to get my body to settle enough to sleep. so yeah- im lucky if i get 6 - 7 hours each night, and for those of you who know me, and know me well.... you know what that means. i wish there was a way to handle all of my business before 8 o'clock. sometimes i think about what life would be like if i were one of those lucky souls who got off of work at 5 o'clock. think of the possibilities! i could successfully go to work, the gym, have dinner, shower, maybe even watch a little tv, AND i could spend an hour or an hour and a half relaxing with eric, and winding down from my day before sleeping in the bed by 10. yeah... if only. so.... i will continue on. enough about that.
3) my eric is turning 30 on march 31st and i want to do something fab for him. i need your ideas! what could i do??? i think it'd be fun to throw him a fun surprise party or something, but that's just not really an option because it would be lame! we don't really have many friends- i can think of 2, maybe 3 (if we're lucky) friends who might show up. josh, kellee, and jerry (if his crazy wife lets him outta the house) or maybe sup- but only if we had it at a place with "activities." so yeah- surprise party might be hard to pull off, what other ideas do you fabulous folks have?
4) i scheduled the cleaning fairy (ms. donna) to come and work her magic on my house a few days before the wedding shower. this is good news, and though it may seem like a total cop out, i don't care. i have enough on my plate, and with cooking and setting everything up the day of, i can assure you i am NOT going to want to be on my hands and knees scrubbing! PLUS, then my house will be radiantly beautiful the day after the shower- march 20th! and there's nothing that makes me happier than a cleaner house. (ps- if you're in need of some good help, you should totally let me know! ms. donna is AWESOME!)
5) i should really get off my arse now and try to make some sense of my hair.... before i have to go in public at least. i need a haircut... bad.
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