8 things

there' s a lot going on and running through my head right now.  in times like these... i turn to list making. ahhh- i love lists. :)

1) i am planning a walk for the baby i mentioned a few weeks ago trek. he is dying, and it is sad. and i want to do something for people to come together, share their love, show their support, and help raise some fundage for the (im sure) mounting medical bills. it will be awesome! i am so inspired, and excited. i need to start by getting a team together. and then i need to work on getting sponsors to donate mulah so that i can apply for the permits, and set the date. the rest will be easy, breezy, smooth sailing from there! whoo hoo. im excited.

2) i am moving into my own place.... THIS weekend! (and no it's not a home i bought- we decided with the maarch 31st deadline i was given, we just didn't have the time to do the whole "buying a home thing" the right way. that's not a decision i feel comfortable rushing into ya know?) so im going to rent for maybe a year, while we keep our eyes peeled for something fabulous to buy. something fabulous with LOTS of potential! :) and im renting the property, which is privately owned, but is managed by my real estate agent, who said if we find something to buy sooner than my lease is over he can be sure and make it work. that's nice.

so yeah- in like 3 more days bristol anne and i will be on our own! wow! exciting stuff, right?? we'll be renting a townhome in parker. 2 bed/bath. more space than we need, but a really good deal, and close to work, so i just couldnt say no. with all that space, it's gonna feel pretty empty... but im hoping it wont matter cause it'll be ours. just us. it will be the closure that ive been wanting. it will symbolize this tragic nightmare ENDING! whoo hoo!

3) did you know that i think the girl scouts hit it big when they invented the somoa? like- i often wonder why they ever made any others to buy... what's the point? everyone loves a somoa... right??

4) my mom and dad are amazing. like seriously. i am in awe. i don't even know what to say about the graciousness and generosity they show me. they are the main reason i know that getting a divorce was the best thing. and not just because they've been happily married for 35 years either. because they have shown me what REAL, authentic, true love feels like. they are selfless and loyal, and loving, and supportive. and when i really began to compare that love to what i was given in my marriage, i realized that the love i was given in my marriage was less than ideal. it was a selfish kind of love that i was given, an inconsistant kind of love, and certainly not a reliable, love-ya-long-time-do-ANYthing-for-ya kinda love. i was lucky if i could get him to show up to pick me up when he was supposed to. the love my parents have shown me, is really what has taught me what was wrong and what was missing with the love id settled for.

5) on that note- ive decided a few things about love. id like to find it again. and i believe i will. things are looking up for me right now, and im realizing that god really DOES know the desires of my heart, and has plans for me to prosper and be well. i believe that... i really do. and because ive only just ever, ever, ever wanted to be a wife and a mommy, i believe god will bring that to me. and in his perfect timing. yup. i bet this one will be TALL too... i always wanted a tall guy like my daddy. now THAT'S a true desire of my heart. LOL. :)

6) bristol is running in her sleep right now. i wonder where to... or where from. she and i have gotten remarkably closer since getting rid of her daddy. lol. i love her so much, that when work is almost ending for the night, i begin to get really excited about coming home to her sweet little love of a face.

7) i do not have a tv for my new apartment. which means (unfortunately) i will not be able to get cable. but i WILL want internet. because if i can't have cable, ill at least want internet, right? except, isn't it smartest to do like a bundled deal thing? like, don't you typically get a better deal? hmm.

8) im feeling tired, and i hafta be up earlier than usual tomorrow, so i think ill spoon my bb and drift off to never never land.

be blessed friends. and as always- be thankful.

humbled.

you ask a friend for a favor, super sure they'll say "YES," and then you get shot down with a big, fat, ugly "NO." an easy favor too- a no brainer really. it hurts your feelings at first, and you catch yourself feeling embarrassed to need the favor in the first place. you begin to feel totally unwanted, unloved by that friend you were so sure was in your corner. you wonder what on earth you should do to fix whatever might be impairing the relationship, but you are honestly so taken aback by the "NO" that you just sit and cry. your feelings are hurt, and you begin feeling sorry for yourself.

but then... something magical happens. you call on someone who you never even thought of in the first place. why? you're not sure... because he's always been there. (well actually you chicken out and have your DADDY call him because you're too scared and too hurt to get shot down again) but to hear he said "absolutely! whatever you need!" without hesitation humbles you in a way you never thought possible. you begin to realize that people ARE in your corner... just not the ones you thought. sometimes the most unlikely of them all are right there backing you... people you never really even considered.

sometimes you find yourself looking around wondering "what the hell is wrong with you people?!" but it's not until you really open your eyes, give those unlikely backers a chance, that you realize you are richly loved, and richly supported. and for no reason at all really- just because. that's a big deal.

now- just cause im feeling generous, ill share something with you that will undoubtedly take your breath away.... enjoy.

"bubba gump" lip. cute, huh?

mailboxes are for mail. DUH.

so today i went to look at an "apartment" i was really excited to see. i had found it online, seen the floorplan, determined it was close to work, spoke to the leasing office on the phone, and had done all necessary research to determine it was worth a drive out to take a look. boy was i wrong. when i say that this place was about the size of my right ass cheek, im NOT kidding. (and trust me- i GET that my right ass cheek isn't necessarily the smallest of ass cheeks, especially when compared to other tinier girls' ass cheeks... but this place? wow.) i felt bad because when i initially met the leasing agent in person, i was my usual outgoing and friendly self, right? but upon entering the tiny mailbox of an apartment, before realizing what was happening, i heard myself say in the most disgusted of tones, "how do people actually LIVE here?"  i felt bad when i realized it was out loud that i said that, and not just in my head. but have no fear- i covered it up with a smile and laugh, and i think i made it outta there without offending anyone too terribly.

then my mom called me later tonight with this great idea. they have offered to help me buy a place of my own! she said she'd been researching for hours online after talking to me about (what will now be referred to as) my "mailbox" debacle, and she'd found this little condo that'd be just right for bristol and i. and what's even better?? is that it needs LOTS of my tender loving care to make it just right. and as we ALL know.... i LOVE house projects. this place is listed for dirt cheap too- which would make my mortgage payments only like $390/month or something crazy like that. it's not super big, but b and i don't need big! and it's in a charming little community too (yes- i DID load b up in the car at 11:30 at night to drive over there...) and it'd be MINE. to think that just hours ago, i was standing inside the mailbox and contemplating having to pay almost TWICE as much per month to live there!

so yeah- that's like the most exciting thing that could potentially happen to me in... well? i dunno.... A LONG TIME! please friends begin to think/pray/send GOOD VIBES my way about this working out. it would be an absolute DREAM come true!

oh my gosh. im SO excited!!!!! :)

ps- if you wanna check the link here ya go! but keep in mind.... my tlc will transform this place in NO time!

http://www.cohomefinder.com/p/80014/1159006-14110-E-Dickinson-Dr-E-Aurora-CO-80014.htm

oh! have i mentioned...

that ive decided to stay?

like... decided, decided. it's done. the decision is made, and i feel good about it.

here are a few thoughts on this topic of conversation:

1) im pretty sure these last 3 months of living here have sucked because of what i was going through with the whole divorce debacle. of missing my husband (the one that USED to be... NOT the one i divorced!), of missing my charmed life where i was constantly surrounded by beautiful things, of missing my routine, my "nomal." but it's like i was failing to realize that the last 3 months would have been a complete and TOTAL nightmare no matter WHERE i was living. i couldn't give up on this gorgeous place over the three worst months of my life. because they woulda been the 3 worst months of my life no matter what! and colorado wasn't the issue... my marital status was. now that THAT'S finally resolved and as it should be, ive come back to life. literally- ive crawled out from under the rock i buried myself under, and i began to live again. and i looked around me, and thought "oh! i can do this!"

2) im really thankful for my job. like.... REALLY thankful! so thank you heather mcardell for putting in the good word for me, and filling out my application because i was too busy drowning in my nashville life to make the time! this job fell into my lap... like- literally. i moved here, and applied to hundreds of different positions, and not one single company even inquired about meeting me. i had the interview with allosource scheduled before i even left nashville, and met with them the 4th day i was even here. a week later they called, offered me the job and i accepted! glad to have a job, but reluctant because of what the job entailed... i just really wasn't sure it would work for me. but i was wrong to ever hesitate! this company is UHmazing! today for example... they paid me to see a doctor/massage therapist on the premises for my lower back pain. i saw him last week too! and he's doing something to my back that's never been done before, and it's helping! and i have allosource to thank for that!

in less than 4 months ill be promoted to tech 2 and get a pay raise, and i just know that the growth and the movement won't stop there. i got my little 97% accuracy rating for january's paperwork, and felt so encouraged to continue growing there. this company does UHmaaazing things. and while many people like to make fun of me, and act all disgusted when i try to explain what it is that i do... the truth of the matter is that, it's important work that i do there. and im pretty sure if it were YOUR child, or mom, or dad, or husband, in the hospital and covered in 3rd degree burns, you wouldn't think of what i do to be so terrifying. all of the sudden you'd magically become thankful for the work that my team and i do. you'd think twice before making fun of us. it feels really good to be a part of something that matters. like really matters- to a lot of people. we hear from families who have received transplants and who have lived because of those transplants, and it's really an honor to be a part of that process. i like working there. im proud to work there. im anxious about the opportunities that are waiting for me down the road there. i think it would be impossible- really impossible, to replace allosource.

3) ive met all kinds of new, fun friends, and have managed to maintain a connection with a few of the old as well. i can see myself in another 3 months busy, busy, busy spending time with really fun, great people. just like i thought it would be! that's encouraging!

4) i wake up every day. every single day, to a sunny sky. there's something to be said for that. there's also something to be said for the fact that on my way to work each day, i can look out of my window and see for miles. sometimes those mountains are so clear, it feels like i could just reach out and touch em. it is really gorgeous here, and i am SO excited for spring/summertime to arrive so that bristol anne and i can be out in it more! like seriously- we are both so ready!

so yeah- there ya have it. bristol and i have decided to become permanant residents of the state of colorado. we snuggle each night, and have little conversations about finding a new home for just us. we are excited. :)

97% bay-bay!

so okay... ive just GOT to share! for my first month out of formal training, i was informed today that i have scored a 97% accuracy rate on all of my paperwork for the month. i processed 67 jobs, and out of those 67??? got TWO errors! hafta give a shout out to the lovely michael burdick who trained me, and obviously did an AWESOME JOB. yay!