today was a big day...

so, after a long haul and almost 5 whole months later i am finally divorced. as of this morning actually.... my lawyer went to court on my behalf at 9am today, and presented my statement id sent since i could not be there in person. (though i would have liked to... i love nashville and would give anything for a good excuse to go visit!)

i never really knew what to expect to feel on this day. it's been looming all this time, and ill be honest.... sometimes ive dreaded it, sometimes ive questioned whether or not it was what is right... sometimes ive been annoyed at the idea that on this day i would offically have the lovely "divorcee" stigma attached to me. (something MUST be wrong with me... right?) but in all honesty, today was a good day. i spent more time laughing hysterically with my work bff mike, than i could have ever imagined. i wasn't sad, there were no tears... and i didn't even feel like the failure i did at the beginning of this whole mess. i basically have just felt content. content with my situation, and with the outcome. content with knowing that there are brighter things ahead. content with knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there really isn't ANYthing wrong with ME... it's actually HIM who has the problem. i just mostly felt at peace. i am SO pleased to report this news, because like id said- i didn't know what types of emotions this day would bring, and im glad it turned out to be okay. im so thankful i was able to get to this place of acceptance and healing BEFORE this day... i think that made it easier.

my friends at work are so sweet, and remembered what today was for me. they even brought me a little, teeny, tiny cake to celebrate, and we made sure it was a good time had by all! see pictures below.

(don't mind the lack of make up... it's not allowed at work!)

so there you have it. i am divorced. these last nine months of my life have been a roller coaster  (nine months ago is when i intially learned of the affair) ... probably the hardest ive ever endured! let me be clear- i dont regret fighting for my marriage. and though my efforts did not in the end pay off as id hoped, it is a satisfying feeling to know that i did all that i could do. so.... now i can officially begin looking toward my future. it is a refreshing feeling to know that i have nothing and no one holding me back. now the only question is.... what's next??

freakishly long fingers

today has been rough.

so ive realized that sometimes it's the little things that really get to you when you're under stress. i feel like ive walked with my head held relatively high for the last 8 months of my nightmarish life amidst all of the ridiculous and foul scenarios that have presented themselves. yet today... i found myself flustered and annoyed even, at a guy i work with. the "talker" (as i like to call him) was a real ass hole today. yesterday, he thought it necessary to look down at my hands (while i sat, minding my own business, not even talking to him...) and announce to the group in the most disgusted of tones, "woah, you have REALLY long fingers...." i looked up at him a bit shocked, and said, "well im tall for a girl. im 5"8... like- how tall are you?" thinking maybe i could get him to understand that yes- my fingers are longer than his, and it's probably because he's a good 3 inches shorter than me. then tonight he decided to keep it going by bringing it up again, and telling some other guy, "no seriously dude! look at her hands! they're so "weird-looking!" i told him to stop while he was ahead and he came back with some snide remark. i ended up just walking away like i did the times he chose to inform me that my dog was "ugly" and "the ugliest dog ive ever seen." later in the night, i was sitting with a friend, and we were chatting amongst ourselves, when he decided to walk by and make fun of my hands again! i eventually said to him, "listen- if you knew the week i was having, you'd really feel bad for being so mean to me right now." when he continued, my friend and i said at almost the exact same time, "just go away!" (he then acted put out for the rest of the evening.)

i know i shouldn't let stupid idiots get to me, but im having a rough day. it's not like i care what he thinks of my hands, but what baffles me the most is how an individual in a work-place, professional environment could be so blatently rude like that... it is beyond me. most days, when im feeling alright i just blow him off. but today has been a hard day... and tomorrow might be even harder... so it seems it's the smallest, most pointless and ridiculous things that get me feeling flustered or upset.

so.... for all of you curious folks out there... i present to you a picture of my hand with the "weirdly" long fingers. feel free to get on board with the talker, slap a scarlett letter on my chest and throw me outta town. :)

nashville faves:

ive been missing nashville a lot today, so i thought id post about some of my all time favorites from the place that became a part of me. enjoy.

centennial park. isn't it gorgeous??? there's a great trail that surrounds this little pond and bristol and i have spent many of nights out walking the trail, and enjoying the gorgeous scenery. love.

las paletas- privately owned and operated by two sisters who decided to start a business selling their popcycles. i love it not just because it's a local, small business, but because these things are unlike anything you've ever had in your life. perfect on a hot summer day!

there's nothing quite like fall in nashville. every tree turns some beautiful, bright color, there's a crispness in the air, and it is absolutely gorgeous!

ahh, the ryman auditorium. this place just oozes magic. it was the original home of the grand ole opry, and im not joking when i say the minute you step foot inside the auditorium, you immediately feel as though you're a part of something bigger... something special. i love this place. the history is really something, and the acoustics are to die for.

one of my all time favorite things was the nashville farmers market. it was incredible! i would go there on saturdays, to buy all of my fresh fruits/veggies. i always thought it was so beautiful. not just because of the vibrantly colored fruits and veggies filling the baskets either. there was such a sense of community there, and i loved that!

if you're looking for some good southern cooking, this is the place to go! this place has the BEST bisquits you will ever, ever have! if you ever find yourself in our around nashville? you MUST stop here!!!

every year, spring arrives with a bang. the blooming magnolia trees are everywhere you turn. their gorgeous, vibrant, pink flowers make it impossible to ignore that spring has arrived in nashville, and you cant help but feel excited!!!

jack's bbq. mmm. my mouth waters just thinking of their delicious, fall-off-the-bone ribs and chicken! they have a variety of delicious sauces too! this is for sure the best bbq in town!

and of course- how can i possibly mention nashville favorites without talking about these three sweet souls? i miss them so, so much. i love them in a really big, special way.

so there you have it... if you ever make it to nashville that's my two cents on where you might want to go for some good food/fun. i never realized i would miss it like i do. i came here, thinking it was home without realizing IT had become my home. which makes sense really.... i left here when i was so young, and i went there and found myself. i figured out who i was, and who i wasn't. what i wanted out of life, and what i didn't. i spent years building a life for myself, and working to make it my home, so why am i surprised now to realize that it IS my home?  i feel like i willingly gave nashville up in my divorce- as if it was his to take from me. but what i failed to realize is that i chose nashville for reasons of my own. i fell in love with nashville before i ever even knew he existed. though i can see how and why colorado has been good for me in many ways, i miss nashville on a daily basis.

ode to you've got mail

i saw the movie you've got mail in the theater when it very first came out. i must have been like 16... i think i was with rhonda. i fell in love the very first time i watched it. i couldn't wait for it to come out on VHS so that i could buy it immediately. i remember my high school sweet heart ben bought it for me the very first day it came out, and i (of course) was thrilled. i had it on ALL THE TIME! i had one of those box tv's that had the VCR inside (very hype and ahead of the game) and i watched it so much that i quickly learned every word. i watched it until the music on the movie sounded funny... i killed the video from over-using it. soooo.... i moved on to the DVD. i got it on DVD several years ago, and have continued watching it ALL THE TIME! it provides me with some sort of unexplainable comfort. it has been my friend through every break up... im watching it now for what could quite possibly be like the zillionth time and i love it just the same. i guess it just made me think... it's so funny to me how i value consistency. this has been my all time fave for almost 14 years now... it's my oldest and most successful relationship yet! go me! :)

a few quick thoughts

it was so refreshing to spend time with the lovely jenny melvin, and her adorable family this weekend. (and not just because it's SO much better than sitting at home alone all the time either!) i knew from her facebook page, that she was great. when i met her in person though, it felt like id known her for forever! i had SUCH a fun time with her- just chatting, and laughing, and hearing about her life. she is so young, but so wise, and so smart. thank you jenny melvin, for showing me such an amazing time! im excited to be your friend.

natalie is doing LOADS better, so thank you all for the prayers and good vibes you've sent her way. she opened her eyes, and seems to recognize each of her family members. this is great news because it indicates there is no brain damage. thank goodness! she was taken off of her ventilator today, and isn't entirely breathing on her own, but is breathing well with the help of the little tubes-in-your-nostril thingys. keep the prayers coming, cause they're working, and im sure she still has a long haul ahead of her.

im at a point now where i am actually beginning to look forward to my future. instead of just hanging on for dear sweet life, and trying to survive, i actually feel myself getting my spirit back. the one that makes me, me. im starting to look ahead, and feel positive, and good about moving forward. gone are the days when i look at my future with complete dread, and wonder how in the world ill go it alone. this is so refreshing. i think i might finally be beginning the healing process with regards to my divorce. and this is not to say that my hard times are over- im sure i have many sad moments ahead. but i guess it's just so nice to finally be at peace with regards to this divorce, and to be able to look into my future in a positive light. took me a long while to get here, but praise god! i made it! :) to those of you who have helped me get here... thank you. you know who you are... thank you.

i had a good, long chat with my mom tonight and it was fun. we don't get to have those nearly enough these days. but tonight, we chatted for hours and i loved every minute of it. she's being so supportive, and so loving towards me. i am blessed to have her, i really, really, really am.

welp? that's about all for now... be blessed friends. and as always... be thankful.