blessed.

is it really true that kim k is pregnant? may as well just add her to the list of the 500 other people i know who are expecting. lucky betches. lol. thats cool though, my day will come! and ive felt closer to those exciting times for me more lately than ever before.

lots is going on!

our christmas holiday was too-die-for fun! it was like my favorite christmas everr. it was super fun with kayla, and getting to see her so excited about all of her gifts. she was precious. she loved her spider man mask, baby boy doll and diaper bag, her roaring dinosaur and her scooter best. she's the coolest kid on the planet. hands down.

our new year was fun too!

this new year feels so much more refreshing and exciting than last year. things have changed so much. this year, we are expecting a lot of super cool things to happen. we are getting ready to buy our first home, and that is super exciting! at times ive felt pretty overwhelmed by all of the details that go into such an event, but it seems like things are falling into place perfectly. love when that happens. a lot of things will happen before that, and i think it'll be a wild few months. it's worth it though, because at the end of the day a home of our own will be waiting for us.

on another note. ya know how when you're my age (old), you dont really "date" someone unless they seem like a potential candidate to be your long-term guy? well thats at least true for me. im not a time waster... time is running out and ive chosen to be selective about only dating someone i could see myself with. well anyway- of course when i met and started dating kevin i saw something that made me think we could really work. but the truth of the matter is that i really just had no clue. he was like the best surprise ever. still is really. i feel like i am falling more and more and more in love with this man as the days goes by. i sometimes wonder if ill ever stop falling. it's the best feeling ever. well anyway, last weekend i was sitting there and literally thought out of nowhere, "im gonna marry this man." it was crazy. we weren't doing anything spectacular, and nothing exciting was happening, but i just knew. which is funny, because up until that moment i hadn't given it much thought. i feel like in my previous relationship, i gave a lot of thought to what it could be right from the start. that was annoying though. i think mostly because i had fallen in love with the idea of this life i wanted, more than i did with the guy. so going into this relationship, i didn't really think of it. i took it day by day. i didn't worry about the details of what our wedding could be, or how fabulous this new life was going to be. instead i just enjoyed it and was in the moment. it is like somewhere along the way, i realized that life is what happens in between all the planned events. those precious moments that have made me fall so deeply in love with kevin, have happened in the most unpredictable, organic way. at 3 in the morning, when no one else is up. special conversation when we fall asleep. it's like a look here or there, or laughing together until it hurts. these are the moments that really matter. these are the moments that cant be planned. so ive relished in these moments, choosing not to worry or allow my mind to wander into what it could be, where it could go, and when it'll get there. so this realization i had, knowing with such certainty that i would one day be his wife, kind of caught me off guard. id been so busy enjoying our life, for the first time ever, i had stopped planning it. as surprising as it may have been though, it was a feeling i got in the pit of my gut. which makes me happy, because if i were able to choose my happily ever after- it would most definitely be him.

i sometimes dont know how i got this lucky. i sometimes still question if its real. i sometimes still freak out thinking "you dont deserve to be this happy" and worry something catastrophic will undoubtedly happen to him when i least expect it. and it'll be my fault, because i was the one not destined for happiness. but mostly, and its when he reaches for my hand, or grabs my face gently to pull me close for a kiss, i know that he loves me. i feel so safe in his embrace, and i feel so worthy of this once-in-a-lifetime-love.

happy new year friends. thanks for sticking with me through this adventure i call life. i feel so blessed to be surrounded with such loving, loyal, caring people. it's an honor to call you friend. (and if youre taking the time out of your busy schedule to read my quite senseless, useless babblings, you are most definitely considered a friend.)

be blessed friends. and as always- be thankful.

10 things.

1) i no longer work at the source and this rocks my world. instead, im nannying for 3 little dudes each day and it is pretty fab.

2) when im here in their house all alone though, i notice it makes really weird sounds and i get really scared.

3) hmm.

4) the shooting in conneticut is kind of like the worst thing everrrr. i feel like things like this are happening more and more frequently, and to more and more of an extreme. i hate that. i cant imagine how those mommies and daddies must feel. i keep thinking of those little ones, and how they probably had christmas presents wrapped and set neatly beneath the tree. i keep thinking of what it'll be like for their parents on christmas morning when those presents are left unopened. i keep thinking of what it must have been like for those little guys to watch their teacher be murdered right before their eyes. i keep thinking about how that probably broke their heart, because when you're in kindergarten, your teacher kinda hangs the moon and seems famous. then when the gun was pointed in their direction... they must've cried out for their moms and dads. they must have been terrified and wondered why. i keep thinking about kayla. and that sucks. i dont ever want her to know the evil that walks among us. i dont ever want her to know that this has happened, and that it could happen again- without reason or warning. i dont ever want her to know  because if she knows, her sweet 3-year-old innocence will die just a little, and there's just no getting that back. i want her to keep living in a world that she thinks is magical, that she thinks is safe, that she thinks is fun. she deserves that and i want her to have it for as long as she possibly can.

5) christmas is coming and i might just...  get my cute boyrfriend this...

:) i know i shouldnt... but hello!? he is CUTE! and kevin's been wanting a lil dude for awhile now, and i just think he would be so stinkin cute with a red bow wrapped arond his little neck. we'll see... bristol would really love a little companion too. i honestly know that it would be perfect for her. and besides... he's super cute. right? i can talk myself into this using that excuse over and over, huh? i think he will love it.

6) my mom and dad got a new fancy car and so that's super exciting. they got THIS rockin ride and i am jealoussss.

but guess whats also super exciting?? they're giving me their camry! they're driving it out here when they come at christmas and ill kiss the days of being broken down goodbye. the jeep can kick rocks and if i never see that thing again it'll be too soon. gosh i love my parents. they are good to me.

7) oh! did i mention that  my ass hole ex husband made it outta prison? yeah, probably not. and the reason would be that i just dont care. lol.

8) i was planning to make all of my super fun christmas goodies this weekend, but realized we wont have kayla so we'll be pushing it back till next. get ready.

9) in my opinion there are CNN girls and there are FOXnews girls. im a CNN girl. proudly.

10) im so excited for christmas! SO excited! so, so, so, so, so excited!!!!!!!!!! i hope that you are too!

be blessed friends. and as always- be thankful.

update/christmas delight

ive tried blogging a few times in the past couple of months, all to no avail. i wrote about becoming an auntie to what could quite possibly be the very cutest boy on the planet. he is perfection. born on october 16, 2012 at 8:25pm, quinn holds my whole heart right in the palm of his hand. i wanted to post pictures in the blogs i had written about him before and it wont work! which really chaps my hide. like, for real. so... you can see my little quinn on facebook, but because im kinda technologically challenged you'll get none here. sorry dudes.

i also tried writing about falling in love. since last blogging, ive somehow managed to completely fall in love with a man i never imagined existed. he is the nicest man ive ever known. he is beautiful- on the inside and out. he is smart, and funny, and affectionate, and loving. we think all the same things are funny, and we laugh constantly. we spend most of our time talking- for hours. he is a passionate man. passionate about life, passionate about love, and to my very happy surprise, passionate about me. his name is kevin, and if i could keep him forever, i would. here's hoping... :) he went through a similar kind of divorce a while ago too- similar mostly in the fact that it was HARD. he is the daddy to the prettiest, and sweetest, most adorable little lady on the planet- kayla. aka- "my kayla bug." i love her. not really sure what else there is to say... other than that id like to keep her forever too. she's what i like to call "saucy," and i love it. she's tough, and she knows just what she wants. more than anything though? she's sweet, and has very quickly become my best friend. we are involved in what i like to call "a pretty serious love affair." i feel blessed, and i feel so lucky to have these two precious souls in my life. im so glad i have followed my heart in previous relationships because my choices have lead my here... to him... and to her. and to be honest? there's no where else in the world id rather be. i wanted so badly to post pictures of the life we share together... but again, no can do. :/ in just two and half short months, we have managed to create more memories than i can count and i wish, wish, wish i was able to share the pics and document all of our silly stories. :/

anyway, i guess i figured i should update even if my shady tech skills wont allow me to share pics. i AM however, in a position to share some pics of some holiday fun kayla, kevin and i will have in the upcoming weeks. (weird that im able to share these pics and not the others, right? whatevs.)

we plan to have a baking party and make all kinds of super cute, delicious christmas treats. i did this in nashville every year, and had such fun distributing my delicious delicacies to friends around town. thats the plan for this year too- so dont be alarmed if we show up at your door with christmas goodies in hand, made with sugar and with love. (this will probably be happening the weekend of december 14th... so dont say i didnt warn you!)  :)

some of things you may find....

is your mouth watering yet? lol. im super excited to make these goodies with my little side kick kayla. she will have such fun, and it'll be a tradition we'll make happen each year. so! if you know you rock my world... and you know you are my peep... get ready! cause the christmas goodies are on the way!

im so, so, so glad that christmas is here friends. it is my most favorite time of year, and i love it. our tree is absolute perfection, our chritmas candles burn each day, and the christmas tunes are blaring constantly. im blessed to think of my life a year ago... and then to look around and realize how lucky i am to call this reality my own. i love you all so much, and i hope that your christmas season is just as magical as mine.

be blessed friends. and as always, be thankful.

saturday fun and fall festivities

i have had such a great day today! it started at baby vince's birthday party. it was monster themed and so, so, so fun! april did such an amazing job making every detail super cute just as i knew she would. i cant believe baby vince is 1!

being a part of precious moments like these makes me SO glad to be in colorado! i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

after the party bristol anne and i took a trip to the dog park. it was a gorgeous day! it's beginning to feel like fall here, and that makes me HAPPY! fall is one of my favorite things in the world and i cant wait for crisp leaves, and pumpkins. seriously.

this got me really thinking... how fun will be it be to decorate and do all kinds of fall baking??

how fun is THIS? seems to be pretty simple too- corn husks wrapped around candle votives... love.

um?? hello???? cute, right? so cute. i wish i had a couple of cute kiddos to do these with, but since i dont i might just hafta go it alone. theyre too cute to pass up if you ask me.

speaking of kiddos... im sure it can be pretty tough for those lil guys to sit at the table throughout the entire thanksgiving meal right? well... what if you added these adorable finger puppets to the thanksgiving table for them to busy themselves with?? i think that would be a super fab idea, and how cute are they?

along those same lines... take a look at that awesome feather headress! how fun is that? definitely very chic at the table too, but would definitely add some fun to the otherwise boring table time, right?

pumpkin layer cake... ummm, yes please. this just looks delish.

um so yeah... fall is definitely in the air and i am so happy and excited to try out some of these awesome recipes and crafts.

pretty much.

a list...

1) do not lie to me.

2) when i tell you in the beginning that if you lie to me i will walk... i am serious.

3) dont assume i will make an exception to that rule of mine just because it's you. that is ignorant.

4) when i ask for you to safe guard something because it is special and important... im not being crazy. im being legit. im being smart. im being responsible.

5) when you agree to safe guard something, and lead me to believe we are on the same page, i feel good about that.

6) but when you do otherwise, i get mad.

7) when you do it more than once, i re-think.

8) ya see- i invested FIVE YEARS into someone. someone who i loved so, so much it made me sick to my stomach to even consider walking away.

9) but that someone hurt me.

10) because he did not safe guard. and because he lied.

11) and i know now, that had i walked away from the very beginning of things with him... the very first time he lied... i would have saved myself a world of heartache.

12) but i didnt... and this has brought me to where i am now.

13) relentless in my expectation of you.

14) which is not unfair, because i am great.

15) my expectation does not require that you bring me flowers three times a week.

16) my expectation does not require that you rub my back before i fall asleep every night.

17) my expectation does not require that you make 100k a year.

18) my expectation is clear, and it is fair.

19) my expectation is honesty.

20) i am willing, and able to provide honesty.

22) it's therefore fair that i demand the same in return.

23) so when you are honest, life is good and i will do my best to make you the happiest man on the planet.

24) but when you are not honest?

25) i walk away.

26) with my head held high. because i am better than that.

27) you had your chance, and you lost it.

28) good luck to you moving forward.

29) hopefully i did you a service. next time...

30) when a girl says she'll walk if you lie to her?

31) believe her.