blessed.

is it really true that kim k is pregnant? may as well just add her to the list of the 500 other people i know who are expecting. lucky betches. lol. thats cool though, my day will come! and ive felt closer to those exciting times for me more lately than ever before.

lots is going on!

our christmas holiday was too-die-for fun! it was like my favorite christmas everr. it was super fun with kayla, and getting to see her so excited about all of her gifts. she was precious. she loved her spider man mask, baby boy doll and diaper bag, her roaring dinosaur and her scooter best. she's the coolest kid on the planet. hands down.

our new year was fun too!

this new year feels so much more refreshing and exciting than last year. things have changed so much. this year, we are expecting a lot of super cool things to happen. we are getting ready to buy our first home, and that is super exciting! at times ive felt pretty overwhelmed by all of the details that go into such an event, but it seems like things are falling into place perfectly. love when that happens. a lot of things will happen before that, and i think it'll be a wild few months. it's worth it though, because at the end of the day a home of our own will be waiting for us.

on another note. ya know how when you're my age (old), you dont really "date" someone unless they seem like a potential candidate to be your long-term guy? well thats at least true for me. im not a time waster... time is running out and ive chosen to be selective about only dating someone i could see myself with. well anyway- of course when i met and started dating kevin i saw something that made me think we could really work. but the truth of the matter is that i really just had no clue. he was like the best surprise ever. still is really. i feel like i am falling more and more and more in love with this man as the days goes by. i sometimes wonder if ill ever stop falling. it's the best feeling ever. well anyway, last weekend i was sitting there and literally thought out of nowhere, "im gonna marry this man." it was crazy. we weren't doing anything spectacular, and nothing exciting was happening, but i just knew. which is funny, because up until that moment i hadn't given it much thought. i feel like in my previous relationship, i gave a lot of thought to what it could be right from the start. that was annoying though. i think mostly because i had fallen in love with the idea of this life i wanted, more than i did with the guy. so going into this relationship, i didn't really think of it. i took it day by day. i didn't worry about the details of what our wedding could be, or how fabulous this new life was going to be. instead i just enjoyed it and was in the moment. it is like somewhere along the way, i realized that life is what happens in between all the planned events. those precious moments that have made me fall so deeply in love with kevin, have happened in the most unpredictable, organic way. at 3 in the morning, when no one else is up. special conversation when we fall asleep. it's like a look here or there, or laughing together until it hurts. these are the moments that really matter. these are the moments that cant be planned. so ive relished in these moments, choosing not to worry or allow my mind to wander into what it could be, where it could go, and when it'll get there. so this realization i had, knowing with such certainty that i would one day be his wife, kind of caught me off guard. id been so busy enjoying our life, for the first time ever, i had stopped planning it. as surprising as it may have been though, it was a feeling i got in the pit of my gut. which makes me happy, because if i were able to choose my happily ever after- it would most definitely be him.

i sometimes dont know how i got this lucky. i sometimes still question if its real. i sometimes still freak out thinking "you dont deserve to be this happy" and worry something catastrophic will undoubtedly happen to him when i least expect it. and it'll be my fault, because i was the one not destined for happiness. but mostly, and its when he reaches for my hand, or grabs my face gently to pull me close for a kiss, i know that he loves me. i feel so safe in his embrace, and i feel so worthy of this once-in-a-lifetime-love.

happy new year friends. thanks for sticking with me through this adventure i call life. i feel so blessed to be surrounded with such loving, loyal, caring people. it's an honor to call you friend. (and if youre taking the time out of your busy schedule to read my quite senseless, useless babblings, you are most definitely considered a friend.)

be blessed friends. and as always- be thankful.