the countdown is on.

it's 2:35am on thursday morning. thursday... my last day here. wow. how did this moment arrive so suddenly? it seems like just yesterday i wondered how id ever survive six whole weeks of dread. but here i am... tomorrow at this time, i expect to have my vehicle loaded, and sleeping soundly so that i can head out bright and early on friday morning. right now im just kind of in disbelief that i actually made it. and guess what? im still in one piece. ill admit im one tired, haggard looking, no make up wearing, stressed out piece... but im here, and i am thankful.
today is the day i will say goodbye to my fabulous little favorites. i can't even imagine how that will be. i hope to make it more of an "ill see you soon!" type of goodbye, than an actual "goodbye." ive finally completed the special little projects i had planned, and i am ready for my last supper with my favorite fam.
here is the plan for the day that lies before me:
1) go to sleep. because at this point, ive got to be up and ready in like 6 hours, and sleep seems necessary. especially since ive been fighting this awful sore throat for WEEKS! (ugh)
2) wake up and meet my baby for the very last time. :( feed said baby breakfast and let her play until she's ready for a nap. while she plays i need to remember to call the financing company for the honda and get our account number and then immediately email it to my lawyer. (once upon a time, my life was easy breezy and beautiful. organization was a must, and i knew where everything was. these days though? not so much. so yeah- i don't know my account number and im not about to waste my time digging through junk to find it).
3) during naptime, ill force myself to shower and then work on sorting through the boxes ive got. i need to make a "must take" pile and a "can ship to myself later" pile. (later as in when i have money to do so.) once this is done, i will begin to clean.
4) ill need to make sure the baby is up and that we're heading out by 11:30 because at that point ive got to go downtown to sign my divorce papers. it'll be nice to have such a charming and sweet little lady to keep me company on this journey.
5) from there, ill need to pick up my prescription, and call my vet (who i just saw saturday and dropped $150 for an exam!) because it seems my baby bristol is breaking out into one of her dreadful skin infections again. i need an antibiotic stat. BEFORE i move and before it gets completely out of control.
6) once those things are handled im guessing my little sugar and i just might need to stop for a bit of a lunch break. maybe if im feeling frisky and prepared, i can remember to pack a pic nic, and we can spend our last lunch together pic-nic-ing at the park on the way home.
7) once we are home, sophie might want to sleep some more but we'll hafta play that one by ear. ya just never know with that crazy baby. if she chooses to stay awake, we will play and i will cherish every moment! maybe take b on a walk or something awesome like that. if she chooses to sleep, i will make use of the free time by beginning to haul of my stuff downstairs so it will be ready to pack later. i can also use this free time to continue cleaning michelle's cute house. (ya see... bristol has this thing with leaving paw prints everywhere and ill be honest... it makes me kinda crazy!)
8) by 3:20, the baby and i need to be heading out the door to go get my other two favorites. im not sure what kinda fun we'll get into for our last afternoon together, but im thinking something fab... like ice cream.... id like to say ill let them pick the place, but jenna claire will immediately ask for the frist center for the visual arts, or paint your own pottery. neither of which are options on school days because they are too far. SO- i may just do ice cream with my kiddie-roos, we'll see.
9) then of course we'll hafta head home to be responsible and tend to homework, etc. etc. etc. this is always my favorite part of the day... it's always such a joy to keep sophie from climbing the walls, while trying to get r and jc to focus and study and be productive. (can you sense my sarcasim? lol) for some reason though, i suspect ill cherish those minutes that pass by with difficulty tomorrow... knowing that they are the last ill have the chance to balance such chaos.
10) after my work day is done, i get to spend some qt with "the fam." we're supposed to do dinner, though i don't know the plan for that just yet. im sure it'll be a fun, but bittersweet, and heart breaking time for me. this is the moment i have been dreading since my life fell apart, and i made the decision to move. pray for me.
11) once dinner is done, ill head back to michelle's to begin loading my stuff into the car. as stated previously, i intend to have the piles set out and clearling organized from earlier in the day, so im hoping this will be a smooth process.
12) once that is done, ill go back to cleaning, and putting some final touches on the house for m. i just want it to be like my messy mut was never here... lol. well- her paw prints at least. :)
13) at 11 ill need to head out for the airport to pick up my beloved friend jessica who is flying in JUST because she doesn't want me to have to drive alone. is that not just SO nice?! yeah- so her flight arrives at 11.30, and i plan to pick her up and come home to fall into bed before the big journey begins on friday.
and THAT is a day in the life. that's pretty much been my life for a while now... busy. and chaotic. and stressful. and busy. im glad i just made that nice little list because now ill have no problem staying right on track tomorrow to be sure and get everything handled.
here are my concerns at this moment:
im very concerned about money. eric has said all along that he would help me transition to colorado financially. he was always our bread winner, and since he makes like WAY more than i do or have ever made, i just relied on him for support. now, ive got some money saved... but not at all what id hoped to have. im worried about when i get to colorado and not having enough money to get by. he has promised to help... but he has broken plans to meet me to on more than one occassion. i know that ill be okay... i do. i just am worried. ive done ALL that i can and could have done... and i realize there is NO point at all in stressing about it, because it is out of my control. but please say a prayer... or send positive vibes... or something... anything ya got friends. cause i need something to work out for a change. i really do.
please also pray for my sweet little family to find a great replacement for me. theyre having a really hard time, and it absolutely kills me to know that i am leaving them high and dry. i mean... not high and dry i guess (don't worry- i did be sure to give notice!) but id just hoped to be heading out knowing who was going to be caring for them. knowing that they were comfortable with the new person. knowing that they would be okay, and feel okay about this transition. instead ross is having melt downs left and right, and the right person just hasn't arrived. please, please pray. i am so concerned. they deserve the absolute best. i just really hope that the right gal comes crossing their little path... like in five minutes. please. and thank you.
im also worried about bristol. im sad for her. i don't know if i am or if ill ever be enough. she was used to having a mommy and a daddy. i feel like she knows somethings missing. i feel sad for her. im worried. but im hoping once we get to colorado, the weather will be nice enough to get her out at the dog park excersising, etc. i just cant wait to establish a new "normal" for my baby and i. i think it'll help us both.
and lastly, im worried that i might never ever fall asleep to begin living this crazy day if i keep my computer on. SO goodnight. thanks for reading friends. and for the prayers. be blessed, and as always- be thankful.