i seriously cannot believe it's been almost TWO months since ive posted on here. to say that life has been a bit crazy, dramatically overwhelming, and sometimes unrecognizable is a complete understatement. lots has gone on in the last 6 weeks- a lot of which has been stressful and heart breaking, and challenging, but some good things too. and my prayer is that what has seemed to be heart breaking now, will one day end up being the moments i look back on later in life and thank god for. sometimes good can come from bad, and that is my hope with this situation. since it's been so long, i think a list is in order to provide a bit of a re-cap on life in my world lately... here goes...
1) well, it's HOT here. like as hot as the dickens hot, i kinda hate it.
2) the kids are out of school now, and it's hard to believe it's been a whole year since we sent little jenna claire off to kindergarten.
3) sophie turned ONE last week and oh my gosh- i seriously can't believe that! her scrapbook i was making for her birthday gift did NOT get finished- mostly because i really thought id have time to put all of the final pages together the weekend before and wanted it to be as close to being complete through her one year birthday as possible... but then we ended up moving that weekend, and so that didn't happen. it won't take long to finish- but id really wished to hand it over completely done.
4) speaking of moving- eric and i decided to move out of our town home into a smaller, one bedroom apartment. basically we decided it would be really helpful to eliminate as much stress as possible in our marriage, and financial stress has been a big factor lately. it's unneccesary, and though i did enjoy my little lenox village life, it wasn't worth any sort of drama or whatever, ya know? it just doesn't matter.
5) so- we spent memorial day weekend moving which was complete craziness. well- it was craziness how the whole entire thing just fell into place really... but really crazy that we started out that weekend with our lenox village town home completely perfect. by sunday night, the place was empty, and cleaned out- sparkling even. our new place is pretty fab. it's a sweet little one bedroom/one bathroom apartment. meets our needs, but is also quite charming. the complex isn't far from where we were before, which means im still close to work and we can still frequent all of our usual spots. it's a beautiful community, with 2 pools and a hot tub, and our apartment looks out onto a little fountain/pond area. the pool is also visible and is so pretty all lite up at night. the inside of the apartment is really homey. i like the kitchen and bathroom, and it's nice to have carpet again! (wood floors were a bitch to keep clean!) the carpeting is brand new too, so it's got that lush, comfy feeling throughout. whoever built these apartments kinda thought of everything. it seems easy to live there- like there's a spot for everything. it really works out.
6) i think ive been fighting a little flu this weekend, and that has kinda stunk! my body has been achey all over, im hot, then im cold, then im hot... ive been feverish, and my throat and neck have been KILLING me! i don't know what could be wrong, but im hoping it's just a little bug that has to run it's course and that's it.
7) sometimes when you've never been in a situation, it's so easy to look at other people going through it and proclaim exactly what you'd do. the truth is though, you really have NO earthly idea exactly what you'd think or feel or do, until you're there.... in the thick of it... buried in the trenches of war... it's up to YOU to find your way out, and the only "right" way to do that can only be determined at the time of battle.
8) authenticity is something ive learned quite a lot about over these last several weeks. being authentic is NOT easy. it seems that being authentic is always really great to talk about, but when it's hardest to be authentic is when it matters the most. being who you are, and staying true to the characteristics that define YOU, when everything and everyone else around you has changed? tough. but this is who i am. i am gracious. i am loving. i am forgiving. i am tough. i am selfless. i am understanding. i am humble. choosing to be a truly authentic human being and stick to your guns about who you are, does not mean that you are lowering your expectations or excusing inappropriate behavior either. it simply means that you rise above, you choose to be all of those things, and make decisions that are best for YOU and not what other people are most comfortable with. it's very tricky, but when your entire world begins to crumble all around you- the one thing you ARE in control of? is YOU. abandoning your moral principles and the things you so proudly proclaimed to be yesterday (when life was dandy) just because things are hard today? that would be cowardly. so... on my hardest of hard days, i repeat to myself "i am gracious. i am loving. i am forgiving. i am tough." i remind myself that i have deliberately chosen to be this person, i am in control of one thing and one thing only- me. i am proud to say that i have maintained an authenticity while trudging through the gory, gruesome, battle fields, and i believe i will come out stronger in the end because of that.
9) sometimes i wish people would understand, but i have to understand that they don't understand, and that that is okay. it gets lonely, but it's okay.
10) i am not a quitter, and this is the ONE thing i have ever committed myself to whole heartedly. i will succeed or die trying.
11) we've spent some time down at the pools and it's been fun! reminds me of the early days when things were simple. :) it seems like we literally spent every single weekend at our little twin oaks apartments pool. good times.
12) i wonder sometimes what life is going to be like in a year. will everything be sorted out and fixed? will my family relationships go back to normal? will this just all be a part of my "past" that we don't mention? or will it ever be "normal" again? it's funny how being the baby of the family really defines your role- even when you're 29 years old and live hundreds of miles away from the nearest relative. people still want to make your decisions, take care of you, protect you... something i value more than words can say. but something that is also quite hard- especially when you've chosen a path that is not ideal in their eyes. i have to believe that the details will work themselves out later on down the road though. i am choosing to stay focused on what's in front of me, and try my best to just be me.
13) i am pretty hungry at the moment...
14) quality time is my love language. that means that i feel most loved when you just are with me. i feel un-sure of your love for me when you're not. even if from a far- time spent on the phone chatting, can make me feel just as loved as if you were sitting right here beside me hanging out. quality time can fix lots of things.
15) i got a new kick ass clock this weekend that totally rocks my face off. like- im not even kidding. rocks. my. face. off. i wish i could describe it to you- but it's kinda hard to explain. i can tell you this- it's hanging on the wall in my new, fun kitchen, and i LOVE it. pictures to come.
6.06.2011
4.18.2011
4.16.2011
SONG IS UP!
alright friends- eric is my super star man and totally figured out how to add my song to my blog... lyrics are in previous post if you want to follow along. but THIS is it! it's called "their love" and was written to honor my parents for their love that seems to supercede all. i wrote and recorded this in 2005- please forgive the roughness of the recording... we were amatuers. :) have a blessed day everyone! and.... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!
4.15.2011
my parents...
ill start by saying that i had one of those dreadful, terrible dreams this morning- it woke me from a dead sleep, and in tears. when i think of it now, i find myself still having to fight back tears- even though i know it wasn't real. i dreamt that my mom died. bad, right? and not just that she died, but in the dream, i was having this conversation with her (after she had already passed). we were sitting there, and i was crying and saying to her "i can't believe i didn't take the time to tell you how much i love you. i can't believe i never thought to tell you how much id miss you on christmas. i can't believe i never told you how much id miss opening your bedroom door, to find you sleeping, and inviting me into your bed so that we could talk and take naps together." as i sit here writing about the dream, i still can't help but cry. i hate how dreams do this to me... especially the ones that wake me up in the morning. they seem so real, that even after ive realized i was just dreaming, that emotion is left with me to deal with throughout the entire day. i know i need to lock it in... but i know that at the heart of my angst, im having a tough time even considering a situation where my mom is no longer in my life. she is my best friend, and i don't even want to think of such a thing. so mom.... if you're reading this- please never die. and know that I LOVE YOU soooooooooo much, and that if i ever DO loose you, i will most definitely miss you on christmas's (and every day in between), and i will miss our pillow talks and naps.
anyway! the real reason for my post today is to write about my parents, and their story. tomorrow my lovely mom and dad will celebrate 34 years of wedded bliss. their love is the love i longed to find for so long before meeting my eric. their love is the love i measure all things against. they are the reason i am able to love unconditionally, and know (at least a few things i hope) about how to be a loving and successful wife. they always told me while i was growing up, "when it's right, you'll know" and ill be honest... my response was always a big, fat "yeah right" accompanied with an eye roll that surprisingly enough didn't cause my eye balls to fall right out of their sockets. though i knew their story, and knew it well growing up, i never thought that type of thing could happen more than once. what are the odds? but im so glad they stuck to their guns and kept me holding on to what little bit of hope i had. it's so funny to me the parallels i am now able to draw between their love story and my own.
so what happened was this- my mom and dad had met through a mutual friend and were definitely interested in one another, but nothing ended up happening. mostly because my dad was scared of girls- especially girls like her! my mom was a bit of a wild child, cute as hell, and confident. my dad was shy, really quiet, and im pretty sure had NO idea how to even begin dating a girl like her. after they met that first time, they would talk on the phone a lot. my dad lived a few short hours away, but he always seemed to find a way of making those few short hours stand between taking things to the next step with my mom, and going on a date. it wasn't long before my mom got bored and realized "this guy is never going to make a move!" and moved on. years later, after breaking off an engagement to a guy who im told looked JUST like brad pitt... their paths crossed again. this time though, my mom wasn't about to let him get away so easy. they had five consecutive dates- on the first date, they went for ice cream. in true "karen style" my mom decided she didn't love her ice cream as much as she did his, so she made him switch. :) on their third date they chose my name for the little girl they both were sure they would one day have. on their fifth date, the proposal took place and she said yes. in the song i wrote for them a few years back (ill share that later...) it says that SHE is the one who proposed. not entirely true, but it is in a way... ya see- my mom was pretty clear about what it was she wanted- a marriage and a family. SHE is the one who was the driving force that really caused the proposal. im not saying my dad didn't love her, or that he didn't want to propose, im just saying that he wasn't the type to just "follow his heart" and get down on one knee after 5 dates. i think it took some coaxing. lol. anyway, pretty much right after that 5th date of theirs, my dad was shipped overseas to germany, and my mom stayed back and planned the wedding. he came home just a few short months later, married the girl of his dreams and off they sailed into the sun set.
i think saying that lots of people thought they were kinda crazy is a bit of an understatement. it's not the type of thing that happens often, but once in a blue moon- love will reveal itself to you and it's up to YOU to jump on that train and ride it as long as you possibly can. boy am i glad they did! so funny though, to think about people disagreeing with my mom and dad so long ago. im sure there were whispers, and i know it couldn't have been easy. but "when it's right- you'll know." i think what's most funny to me about the thought of people saying they shouldn't marry all those years ago, is because i see who and what they are now. and because i know that they are the relationship that my husband and i, as well as many of my friends, and other family- have chosen to model our relationships after. i believe that if eric and i could have even a shred of what they have in their marriage, we'd be better and stronger than most.
here we are- 34 years later and they are STILL in love. they are STILL a team. they are STILL solid and happy. my dad STILL can't ever seem to tell her "no" and she STILL thinks he's the cutest guy in the room, no matter what. i love it. so- happy anniversary mom and dad! thank you for giving me such an amazing relationship to model mine after! thank you for showing me what it means to be a spouse. thank you for giving me a home where i had BOTH my parents, always united, and always in love.
a few years ago- when i first moved to nashville and spent most of my time pursuing music, i wrote a song about my mom and dad. this was before i met my eric, and when the wonder of their love just continually intrigued and amazed me. (not that it doesn't still now, but since finding my own "once in a lifetime sorta love" i kinda feel a little less intrigued by their love, and a little more understanding. it's almost like now i feel like we each share an experience that is so similar and so far from what anyone else shares... it's just an understanding i don't think other people get.)
anyway- eric's been trying to figure out how i can upload this song and share it on my blog for you... and im HOPING that will be done by tomorrow to honor them on their special day! but until then... here are the lyrics... (i love you mom and dad!)
their love
she said baby, lets get married. take me to that chapel with the wooden door.
yeah she said maybe this love we're feeling could last a lifetime, and so much more.
and he thought she's crazy, should i laugh out loud? she must be joking, then he heard the sound, of her saying
ill love you forever
till death to us part
ill be forever, isn't this the start
of a love that is perfect, a love that is true?
i will hold you, have you, ill love you,
and so much more.
he said baby, i just met you, i got no money but okay- sure.
yeah he said maybe this love is bigger than all life's problems, maybe we will soar.
and they called them crazy, they laughed out loud, no one thought they'd make it, till they heard the sounds, of them saying
ill love you forever
till death do us part
ill be your forever, isn't this the start
of a love that is perfect, a love that is true?
i will hold you, have you, ill love you,
and so much more
and the world watched in wonder as they danced through their lives
the world watched in wonder as they soared up high, singing
ill love you forever, till death do us part
you're my forever, everyday's the start of a
a love that is perfect, a love that is true
i live to hold you, have you, to love you
more and more
anyway! the real reason for my post today is to write about my parents, and their story. tomorrow my lovely mom and dad will celebrate 34 years of wedded bliss. their love is the love i longed to find for so long before meeting my eric. their love is the love i measure all things against. they are the reason i am able to love unconditionally, and know (at least a few things i hope) about how to be a loving and successful wife. they always told me while i was growing up, "when it's right, you'll know" and ill be honest... my response was always a big, fat "yeah right" accompanied with an eye roll that surprisingly enough didn't cause my eye balls to fall right out of their sockets. though i knew their story, and knew it well growing up, i never thought that type of thing could happen more than once. what are the odds? but im so glad they stuck to their guns and kept me holding on to what little bit of hope i had. it's so funny to me the parallels i am now able to draw between their love story and my own.
so what happened was this- my mom and dad had met through a mutual friend and were definitely interested in one another, but nothing ended up happening. mostly because my dad was scared of girls- especially girls like her! my mom was a bit of a wild child, cute as hell, and confident. my dad was shy, really quiet, and im pretty sure had NO idea how to even begin dating a girl like her. after they met that first time, they would talk on the phone a lot. my dad lived a few short hours away, but he always seemed to find a way of making those few short hours stand between taking things to the next step with my mom, and going on a date. it wasn't long before my mom got bored and realized "this guy is never going to make a move!" and moved on. years later, after breaking off an engagement to a guy who im told looked JUST like brad pitt... their paths crossed again. this time though, my mom wasn't about to let him get away so easy. they had five consecutive dates- on the first date, they went for ice cream. in true "karen style" my mom decided she didn't love her ice cream as much as she did his, so she made him switch. :) on their third date they chose my name for the little girl they both were sure they would one day have. on their fifth date, the proposal took place and she said yes. in the song i wrote for them a few years back (ill share that later...) it says that SHE is the one who proposed. not entirely true, but it is in a way... ya see- my mom was pretty clear about what it was she wanted- a marriage and a family. SHE is the one who was the driving force that really caused the proposal. im not saying my dad didn't love her, or that he didn't want to propose, im just saying that he wasn't the type to just "follow his heart" and get down on one knee after 5 dates. i think it took some coaxing. lol. anyway, pretty much right after that 5th date of theirs, my dad was shipped overseas to germany, and my mom stayed back and planned the wedding. he came home just a few short months later, married the girl of his dreams and off they sailed into the sun set.
i think saying that lots of people thought they were kinda crazy is a bit of an understatement. it's not the type of thing that happens often, but once in a blue moon- love will reveal itself to you and it's up to YOU to jump on that train and ride it as long as you possibly can. boy am i glad they did! so funny though, to think about people disagreeing with my mom and dad so long ago. im sure there were whispers, and i know it couldn't have been easy. but "when it's right- you'll know." i think what's most funny to me about the thought of people saying they shouldn't marry all those years ago, is because i see who and what they are now. and because i know that they are the relationship that my husband and i, as well as many of my friends, and other family- have chosen to model our relationships after. i believe that if eric and i could have even a shred of what they have in their marriage, we'd be better and stronger than most.
here we are- 34 years later and they are STILL in love. they are STILL a team. they are STILL solid and happy. my dad STILL can't ever seem to tell her "no" and she STILL thinks he's the cutest guy in the room, no matter what. i love it. so- happy anniversary mom and dad! thank you for giving me such an amazing relationship to model mine after! thank you for showing me what it means to be a spouse. thank you for giving me a home where i had BOTH my parents, always united, and always in love.
a few years ago- when i first moved to nashville and spent most of my time pursuing music, i wrote a song about my mom and dad. this was before i met my eric, and when the wonder of their love just continually intrigued and amazed me. (not that it doesn't still now, but since finding my own "once in a lifetime sorta love" i kinda feel a little less intrigued by their love, and a little more understanding. it's almost like now i feel like we each share an experience that is so similar and so far from what anyone else shares... it's just an understanding i don't think other people get.)
anyway- eric's been trying to figure out how i can upload this song and share it on my blog for you... and im HOPING that will be done by tomorrow to honor them on their special day! but until then... here are the lyrics... (i love you mom and dad!)
their love
she said baby, lets get married. take me to that chapel with the wooden door.
yeah she said maybe this love we're feeling could last a lifetime, and so much more.
and he thought she's crazy, should i laugh out loud? she must be joking, then he heard the sound, of her saying
ill love you forever
till death to us part
ill be forever, isn't this the start
of a love that is perfect, a love that is true?
i will hold you, have you, ill love you,
and so much more.
he said baby, i just met you, i got no money but okay- sure.
yeah he said maybe this love is bigger than all life's problems, maybe we will soar.
and they called them crazy, they laughed out loud, no one thought they'd make it, till they heard the sounds, of them saying
ill love you forever
till death do us part
ill be your forever, isn't this the start
of a love that is perfect, a love that is true?
i will hold you, have you, ill love you,
and so much more
and the world watched in wonder as they danced through their lives
the world watched in wonder as they soared up high, singing
ill love you forever, till death do us part
you're my forever, everyday's the start of a
a love that is perfect, a love that is true
i live to hold you, have you, to love you
more and more
HELP!
can any of you expert bloggers tell me how i might be able to upload a song of mine onto my blog to share??? eric did some research for me and it all was to no avail. NEED HELP BY TOMORROW!
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